I asked myself this question many many times, but always ignored the journey and patience it would take to get the answer. SItting alone after hanging out with friends, after work, after school, after the club, probably eating some fries from Sonny’s late in the night (If you from brampton you know di vibes) but I never settled with the answer. I looked for the answer by trying to fill myself with anything I could find.

The consequences of never finding the answer suffered through my actions. My friends who were always with me began to question my behaviour as I would constantly put myself in dangerous situations and really begin to spiral downward in my emotional health. They were worried about me, I was taking straight shots of alcohol, yet I needed a dose of reality!

 The same way I felt before I smoked, before I took drugs was the same way I felt after the come down. Those feelings were temporarily blocked, but it intensified the pain I carried around in my huge emotional backpack.


I could say looking back that I was lost, but lost is more than just a feeling. Lost is a position when the purpose of something is unknown; it’s a misinterpretation of your true purpose. A spirit being, who was created to operate in the full capacity of who God designed us to be.

Discovering who I am has been a challenging but rewarding process, I have challenged, questioned, and reflected my transgressions of my adolescence – my relationship with my parents, self-medicating, living as though there was no consequence…based on an unhealthy desire to escape reality was an everyday practice for me. But I realize now that even my past serves a purpose.

You might say I was “open minded” – but how can one be free with walls and gates in our minds, blocking internal happiness and truth? I was forever on either turn up or recovery mode. 


On December 3, 2017, I received a message from Jesus Christ that he loved me and cared about all of me. He didn’t care about what I did the night before, but he just wanted my heart, He wanted my ears. He wanted me to accept Him to fully heal me. He literally came to life in one moment… I was crying like a baby because I felt like a baby, in the arms of her father I have never before come into contact with anything or anyone who gave me that promise; to heal me, make me whole and bring me to completion so that I could live at my full potential. The weed couldnt do that for me, the parties, sex, and relationships, wasent doing it for me and my self medication brought me in a cycle of self destruction.  The experience is real. God is real. Through my spirit, I am able to now connect to him with my heart and mind, to live with Him as He walks with me. The human spirit is very important to God, as He desires to fill us with Himself. Our spirit is the beneficiary and seal of God’s love and promise. Before ever accepting Him I was walking around unable to connect to God’s spirit to be able to hear him, follow him, because I only followed my own desires.


Writing, singing and rapping are my forms of expression in my journey. Lowkey, I never had the desire to sing publicly, it literally seems like it came out of the blue, a gift that landed right in front of me. I’m honoured to be used by God by sharing my voice, that was once clouded by uncertainty and fear. 

As I mature in my relationship with God, I want to share joy and impact communities through music. I am aligning myself with God’s agenda for my life — a new life, a renewed mind, and legacy to spread His goodness through the musical gift he has entrusted me. I pray that my journey can inspire you. If you belong to Him, He will find you. 

Ephesians 2:10

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

My name is Shawna Cain. Believer, Singer, Songwriter, Expressive Creative. Today, I vocalize God’s intention and love to change and impact lives, the way he did mine! Grace and Peace 

{https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBr6b56cm1M – I AM A SPIRIT MUSIC VIDEO}